December 26, 2012 by meximo70
The greatest thing about the holidays is shopping. Especially if you’re a last minute holiday shopper like me. The people are filled with such holiday cheer they want to spread it about to all the other fellow shoppers.
It’s fun to scramble around a mall, with 2 million other people, sweat, have christmas music blaring in your eardrums, every entrance there’s some retired guy/gal clanging a high pitched bell, or some young person scratching that frayed bow across the strings of her viola. *scrittchhhh scritttchhh scratch…scritttchhhh scritttch scratch…scritch scritch scratch scritch scratch*
But as you peruse the Walmarts, the Shopkos, the mall kiosks, etc; i enjoy the spread of holiday cheer. Let me enlighten you with some colorful yuletide greetings that spread peace on earth and goodwill toward men:
“Are you going to buy that item or are you just going to stand there and stare at it all day?”
“You want to move your *CENSORED*? There are others who have their *CENSORED* done and would like to go *CENSORED* home!”
“If it’s not on the shelves, we’re out of stock! No, i’m not going to go look to see if we have it in the back! Did you hear what i said? If it’s not out here we don’t have it!”
“Why don’t you go sit out on the benches with the other men and let the women shop!”
“Why is THAT guy in Hollister?”
“HEY! THAT’S MY *CENSORED* PARKING SPOT, MOTHER *CENSORED*! YOU SON OF A *CENSORED*!”
“(sigh) Did you see it on the shelf? Then we don’t have it! Why don’t you shop somewhere else?”
“You’re lucky it’s Christmas, or i’d punch you right in the *CENSORED* face!!”
ah yes. Minnesota nice.