January 8, 2013 by meximo70
Downtown HotDish proper there is a square block of banks: Bank Midwife, Us Bank, Last Farmers and Miscreants Bank.
When my wife and i got divorced, we split our account which happened to be at Bank Midwife where she worked. I took my half (which was written on a certified bank check)and went to open up an account at Us Bank which shares a parking lot with Bank Midwife. This is the funny little convo i had with their banker:
Me: that sounds about right.
Banker: now it will be 9 to 15 business days before you can withdraw any money from your account.
Me: wait. what?
Banker: it’s our policy. we just need to verify that the check is good.
Me: um…it’s a certified bank check?
Banker: yes, but i have drawers full of fake bank checks and money orders. so it takes some time to certify that this check is valid.
Me: isn’t that why they call them “certified” bank checks?
Banker: well…we can let you take out $200 cash while we verify the check.
Me: seriously, dude, this check is from Bank Midwife! I can walk you across the parking lot to verify that they cut me this check 30 minutes ago.
Banker: i’m sorry, sir, it doesn’t work like that. would you like to keep $200 until the check is verified?
Me: (snatches check) nope. I’ll take my money somewhere else.
Banker: well, i guarantee you that every bank in town is like that. it’s a industry wide practice.
Banker: so we have you set up with our checking with overdraft protection…with a balance of $15,000. That sound about right?
Banker: well, thank you for banking with us, Mr. Gundersen, will there be anything else?
Me: um…so…if i wanted to write a check right now for $800…i could just do that?
Me: …or if i wanted to go to the ATM and withdraw $915 i could do that right now?
Banker: uh..yes. Why are you asking?
Me: Don’t you have to verify my deposit?
Banker: it’s a certified bank check…from a local bank. So there really shouldn’t be any problem.
Me: HAH! (dances)
Banker: (thinking) maybe i oughta check this guy out.