Conversations in HotDish Hell, MN #18: land of 10,000 Banks…


January 8, 2013 by meximo70

bankThe town of HotDish Hell, MN has more banks per capita than Minneapolis. It’s a bit ridiculous because i’m pretty sure the majority of people here don’t have that much money.

Downtown HotDish proper there is a square block of banks: Bank Midwife, Us Bank, Last Farmers and Miscreants Bank.

bank2When my wife and i got divorced, we split our account which happened to be at Bank Midwife where she worked. I took my half (which was written on a certified bank check)and went to open up an account at Us Bank which shares a parking lot with Bank Midwife. This is the funny little convo i had with their banker:

bank3Banker: well, everything seems to be in order, Mr. Gundersen. I have you down for our premium checking account, with a deposit of $15,000.

Me: that sounds about right.

Banker: now it will be 9 to 15 business days before you can withdraw any money from your account.

Me: wait. what?

Banker: it’s our policy. we just need to verify that the check is good.

Me: um…it’s a certified bank check?

Banker: yes, but i have drawers full of fake bank checks and money orders. so it takes some time to certify that this check is valid.

Me: isn’t that why they call them “certified” bank checks?

Banker: well…we can let you take out $200 cash while we verify the check.

Me: seriously, dude, this check is from Bank Midwife! I can walk you across the parking lot to verify that they cut me this check 30 minutes ago.

Banker: i’m sorry, sir, it doesn’t work like that. would you like to keep $200 until the check is verified?

Me: (snatches check) nope. I’ll take my money somewhere else.

Banker: well, i guarantee you that every bank in town is like that. it’s a industry wide practice.

Me: bye.

bank5Moments later at State Bank of HotDish Hell…..

Banker: so we have you set up with our checking with overdraft protection…with a balance of $15,000. That sound about right?

Me: yep.

Banker: well, thank you for banking with us, Mr. Gundersen, will there be anything else?

Me: um…so…if i wanted to write a check right now for $800…i could just do that?

Banker: Yes.

Me: …or if i wanted to go to the ATM and withdraw $915 i could do that right now?

Banker: uh..yes. Why are you asking?

Me: Don’t you have to verify my deposit?

Banker: it’s a certified bank check…from a local bank. So there really shouldn’t be any problem.

Me: HAH! (dances)

Banker: (thinking) maybe i oughta check this guy out.


2 thoughts on “Conversations in HotDish Hell, MN #18: land of 10,000 Banks…

  1. Jack Flacco says:

    Cash, certified check, money order or bank draft…no bank should have a problem with any of those forms of payment. It’s an industry standard. Funny about the first bank not wanting to cash it for you. Seems like there was more to the situation than originally told!

    • meximo70 says:

      well, i remember one time walking into my bank i had in minneapolis, i had a $2,000 certified bank check and they wouldn’t cash it for me. said i would need to wait 2 days before i could collect on it. so i went out to the car pretty upset, my wife took the check from me and went in and they cashed it for her without quesiton. i couldn’t figure that one out either

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